Signs of Sexual Predators Child grooming is the process predators use to abuse children online and offline. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Its usually employed by a family member or someone else in the victims circle of trust, such as a coach, teacher, youth group leader or others who naturally have some interaction with the victim. Some of the common grooming tactics used by child predators include: Gift Giving. The fact is, the best defense is a good offense. The adult exploits the childs natural curiosity and trust using stimulation to advance the sexual nature of the relationship. Uses inappropriate sexual language/dirty jokes. If something doesnt feel right, its important to trust your instincts, watch for signs and keep an eye on your childs behaviour. Its a good idea to keep your child or the child youre caring for away from the person youre concerned about until you find out more. Home What is child grooming? A Child Predator looks just like you and me, which is why child predatorshidingin plain sight can be hard to see. One of the difficulties in detecting sexual grooming is that many of the behaviors that perpetrators engage in often mimic normative caring adult-child interactions. I'm planning to go see the new movie, I can take you if you want to go.". I celebrate you and thank you. A predator will send explicit materials this way as part of the grooming process. Watch out for signs that you or your child is being groomed. Watch for someone who pays special attention to a child. Learn how to tell if someone is preying on your trust, taking advantage of your situation & innocent child. Truly elevating, truly healing. Because a lot of this communication and interaction can happen online, the sexualization of the relationship can happen much quicker. Explain that today kids are taught to be suspicious of any non-related adult showing any kind of interest in them. Flying Monkeys and Grooming Nearly all cases of child sexual abuse involve grooming: know what it is. Child Molesters are very cunning in their deception they have to be in order to get away with these despicable acts. Predators are often very attentive to the needs of their victims in the beginning. They will typically try to get to know them very well. We let Annie decide if and how she wants to show affection.. Slowly isolating a kid from family members and friends: physically and emotionally. Unwanted Physical Touch. You dont need to be suspicious of everyone who is kind to your child; most people are well intentioned and trustworthy. Find helpful guides on how
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I dont think this is the kind of thing that can be done by proxy. This isnt about the appearance of a person, but decoding their behavior which always, always, always will reveal their intentions. I have called crisis lines and been hung up on been told its a womans issue and all manner of insensitive hurtful things. By continuing to use our site, you accept our use of cookies and our. Children lacking stability at home are at higher risk for sexual abuse, as there is usually more access to the child and opportunities to If your child starts to talk (uncharacteristically) about sex and things related to it, never overlook this kind of development because it might be a sign that he or she is being groomed. If you notice red flags and your gut is screamingsomething isnt right, limit interactions between that individual and your child BEFORE anything damaging can happen. Does your child stiffen or seem uncomfortable? Raising Children Network is supported by the Australian Government. However, often the predators will have willfully engaged in grooming a child. Engages in childlike activities (e.g., stories, games, sports, music). Spends more time with children than adults or peers - they may even come off as immature and childish Overly affectionate/playful with children - hugging, tickling, wrestling, holding or having a child sit on their lap Has a "favorite" child they seem to spend time with (which may vary from year to year) Now I found messages where there is clearly a relationship beyond, brotherly. Winters, G., & Jeglic, E.L. (2016). But there are basic traits that break down into about six steps and six signs of grooming. Male predators have been known to seek out single mothers to gain access to their children. Grooming can be done in a short or long period of time, ranging from weeks to years. Never assume someone is trustworthy because he or she attends church, has a job, works with children or seems nice. On the outside, they have a great looking life and are well-liked by others. Teach your kids about body autonomy and let them know its OK to say no to adults. Also, never force your child to show affection to anyone when they arent comfortable doing so. Some signs include: Secrecy about who they are talking to Unusual distractedness or preoccupation Withdrawing and appearing quieter or sadder Abrupt mood swings Inability to turn off phone resulting in worry or stress Being aware of the signs is so important! Researchindicates that1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boysis sexually abused (The Advocacy Center, 2006)before their 18th birthday. In a process known as grooming, a sexual predator first identifies then gains access to a child by any means necessary. With the rise in social media usage and more and more people falling into more vulnerable positions, we thought it paramount to break down the key 6 stages of grooming adults (as well as . Stop the person from being alone with your child. Ive had concerns since day 1 because her father doesnt parent, hes the fun dad. Now a couple years later my dad is in prison and mom living by herself (because she knew the abuse was happening and never reported it) and my younger siblings in foster care because I finally found my voice. We value diverse partnerships
Based upon ratings from 18 experts in the field, the SGM includes five overarching stages: One key takeaway from the study was the development of a list of observable traits and behaviors for each stage that the experts agreed were part of the grooming process as shown below. Perpetrators will test the limits by starting to introduce touch into the relationship. Anyone can do grooming behavior. Its free, confidential, and 24/7. "If you tell anyone, we both could go to jail, We won't be able to be together." Required fields are marked *. This might . Predators are hidden in plain sight they can be an older sibling, family member, relative, colleague or friend. Sadly, social isolation could make the most vulnerable in our society, more likely to be targeted for abuse. ". In order to maintain control, perpetrators use emotional manipulation; they make the child believe they are the only person who can meet their emotional and material needs. oversteps your social boundaries for example, they might show up to your childs birthday party uninvited with a gift, offers to take your child to sports or other activities, or offers to babysit or take your child camping, offers to mentor your child, individually coach your child, and so on, offers to do things for your family, like repairs or gardening, shows an interest in your childs activities, wellbeing, school grades or other areas of your childs life. Because kids are the most vulnerable to self-esteem issues, it is easy to find a victim in an age where social media sets expectations for perfection higher than any generation prior. My husband and I have never forgave ourselves for not seeing it in our family. Email: [emailprotected] Grooming behaviors are not only used to gain a victims trust, but often are used to create a trustworthy image and relationship with their family and community. One thing I dipise is child predators. If the caregiver does not intervene or object, and the child is uncomfortable, it can confuse the child on what type of touch is appropriate. It still doesnt sit right with me. Online predators may not be strangers to the child or the family. I message my daughters father and requested she stay with me in the future and I had a concern with her being alone with him overnight alone. You are not alone. The teacher shows the child affection, tells him how . Child sexual abuse is one of the
Essentially, grooming is when an abuser carefully selects and "prepares" his victim. To lure older children or teenagers, they may offer to buy drugs or alcohol. protecting children. Copyright 2023, The Pragmatic Parent. Know who your kids are talking to online. Unfortunately, that's a nave thought. Grooming Family and Community Grooming behavior is done by predators to get a child ready for future sexual encounters. Wright says that behaviors could indicate grooming are: In spite of this fact, over and over again pedophiles are not recognized, investigated, charged, convicted, or sent to prison simply because they are nice guys.. Example: It is so generous that you gave Chloe this jewelry, but we only allow gifts on birthdays.. What do I do? New York: Skyhorse Publishing. Recognizing Grooming Tactics Used by Predators. Tactics may also include increased attention and affection towards the targeted child. Parents and guardians are unlikely to notice the dangers, too. Ive had encounters with him when I lived at home where he was verbally abusive and got the feeling I wasnt safe. Let your children know that they can always come to you and trust you with concerns. It can be difficult to pick them out. The following signs might indicate that someone is grooming you or your family with the aim of sexually abusing your child or the child youre caring for. Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. A predator will prep your child theyll test the waters to make sure your child can keep secrets. How to Spot a Pedophile: 8 Signs That Can Save Your Child From Abuse Identifying a child predator can be pretty challenging, as often pedophiles look like common people. We believe Hoosier children, families, and communities are better served and supported when we all reach for nationally recognized higher goals and standards with forensic interviewing, victim advocacy, and medical and mental health training. The best thing you do is to be prepared to spot the red flags BEFORE somethinghappens. "Have you ever masturbated? I can show you how, it feels really good.". Keep in mind that the first physical contact between a predator and his or her victim is often nonsexual and designed to desensitize the child. [1] While each situation is unique, there are some key signs to watch for that are hallmark signs of online grooming. A predator might pay special attention to a child and make him or her feel special. Drowning is Quick & Silent. Finding a victim Gain trust Help the victim Isolate the victim Sexualize the relationship Maintain the relationship and power What do these stages of grooming involve? How to differentiate between malpractice and poor practice. It is an embarrassing and upsetting situation for both you and your neighbor. What do I do if my neighbor is blowing kisses at my 9 years old daughter. One tool common to those who sexually abuse kids is grooming: manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught. All information is kept confidential. Groomers often make their relationship with the child seem completely normal, which makes it harder for the child to identify the issue and cut ties. Seemingly innocent/non-sexual contact (i.e. Because most victims know their offender often through family, church, or school this gives little pause to other adults. A predator might present him or herself as a sympathetic listener when parents, friends and others disappoint a child. My mother was in the room and said nothing. Almost every child and teenager is at-risk because victims specifically target those with low self-esteem. Gift giving of any expense large or small is a grooming technique used to flatter children and their families into trusting the individual. (2018). They will pretend to share similar interests to gain trust, grooming them online. I however didnt tell anyone as we were taught we should never say anything about our parents doing something wrong since it was disrespectful. They ingratiate themselves into your life and into your routine. A predator is an expert at finding the soft spot of a child because they work especially hard to relate to kids and speak their language. I'll call the adult predator the "emotional predator" as opposed to the "child predator". He was sentenced 2 years jail. How to spot a Child Predator: Red Flags & Warning Signs of a Pedophile. , Lanning, KV Child Molesters: A Behavioral Analysis National Criminal Justice Reference Service; School Safety Journal Spring 1994 pp 12-17 https://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=148433, Victim Grooming: Protect Your Child from Sexual Predators http://www.parenting.org/article/victim-grooming-protect-your-child-from-sexual-predators#sthash.A3uZIUAH.dpuf. If we educate ourselves and our children, we can be aware of some of the ways an adult might be trying to manipulate a childs trust as well as our own. We never spam or distribute your email. I got us a box of your favorite candy to share. or to an older child: You like that band? Here are the six steps a predator takes, 2023 Indiana Child Advocacy Centers and Chapter of NCA, read this post on the six signs a child is being groomed, 6 unique ways to help kids and families on Halloween, Protecting kids from abuse and stress during the holidays. Predators have child grooming techniques you can learn to spot. Since then a family member of the stepmother, reached out to me and said the stepson is way to close to my daughter and I needed to get her out of her fathers home. Desensitizes minor to touch/increasing sexual touching. Our supporters make it possible
The term "Sexual Grooming" is defined by various survivor advocacy organizations as well as by researchers specializing in child sexual abuse. Understand how abuse happens
Individualized Education Programs (IEP): 11 Facts To Know. The perpetrator may reinforce the relationship with the child by cultivating a sense that they love and understand the child in a way that others, even their parents, cannot. Reach out to a professional for help if you notice red flags. You can also find out more about how to recognize more warning signs of online grooming from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. If anyone wants you to keep a secret, tell Mommy or Daddy. & recognize the signs to help keep
Signs of Sexual Grooming in Children Telltale signs of grooming may include: Purposely walking in on a child changing clothes. If someone is gifting items to your child that you may not be able to afford, seems excessive, gives an adult an opportunity to spend more time with your child this is a major warning sign. I live in apartments and my manager has told me in the past his record is clean. Protecting Your Child from Sexual Abuse: What you Need to Know to Keep your Kids Safe. Example:Surprises make people happy. I was a young mother years later and he gradually built trust back into family and again it happened to my daughter but he was not convicted. Another common sign of predatory behaviour is attentiveness. of child sexual abuse, in which
This does not mean that they are a predator, but if it continues and intensifies then they are worrying signs. Grooming can take place online or in-person. Ask other families who know the person what their relationship with the person is like. Stay for the entire soccer practice, even until the last child leaves. I feel he is just trying to flatter me and the bad tasteful joke is to test me to see what Id let pass. A Child predator is an expert at grooming children and their parents, by gaining trust, using gifts and attention. I have concerns about my step dad trying to groom me into trusting him with my daughter. Look for signs in the conversations that the predator is possessive. Your email address will not be published. 1. "I saw you reading the new Superman comic. Nearly all childhood sexual abuse involves at least some elements of sexual grooming. The statistics and signs to be wary of are overwhelming, to be sure. Predators are imposters that can fool just about anyone. Look out for common signs of grooming, which include asking your child to meet in person, asking your child to keep their relationship a secret, sending inappropriate . Grooming behaviour can manifest as the slow development of a special relationship between a worker and a particular child or children in care. Grooming involves building a trusting relationship with a child or family over many weeks, months and years. In a study of sexual abuse originating in Protestant churches, out of 328 male offenders, 34.9 percent had the title of pastor, 31.4 percent were youth ministers, with associate and worship . They might offer to take the child on outings. Example: It looks like you are forcing Annie to hug you. Stage 1 represents the traits and characteristics of the victim while Stages 2-5 represent the traits and behaviors of the perpetrator. Please try again. Stop It Now! It took many years to forgive my step son but i will never forget. As one a male survivor I have found that society put more shame on me for being a victim than on him for being a pedophile. Be alert for signs that your teen has a relationship with an adult that includes secrecy, undue influence or control, or pushes personal boundaries. People are becoming increasingly familiar with the term sexual grooming. While most of the sexual grooming literature refers to the sexual abuse perpetrated against children, there is some evidence that those who sexually abuse teenagers and young adults also utilize sexual grooming strategies. My mother confirmed my feelings when she told me over the phone that shes glad I left because he confessed some weird things he was thinking towards me. . If another adult is overly interested in your child and family, consider this a red flag. As a predator grooms a child for abuse, they will first test his/her boundaries. Talks about sexual things they themselves have done. "When teaching a child, the grooming sex offender has the opportunity to shape the child's sexual preferences and can manipulate . Your child receives unexplained gifts (e-vouchers are common). Walking in on a child when they're in the bathroom. Signs in a child that grooming is taking place in the physical world: Avoiding a specific person without an obvious reason Avoiding certain places where the predator may have access to the child Going through sudden changes in behavior or school performance Self-harming or attempting suicide Developing an eating disorder Children and teenagers wont or cant always tell you that theyre experiencing sexual abuse. Desensitizes minor to touch/increasing sexual touching. This arrangement can also normalize the isolation to the child, making them think, This person gives me rides to school all the time, no big deal. You would think that in adulthood we would be much more accurate at picking out predators, especially for those who have been victims as a child. But they are still married. This not first time either. One man Maya remembered had been convicted for fondling his daughter's friends during a sleepover. Victims do not suspect that he/she is anything but easy to be with. In the past, hes been saying how beautiful my daughter is and asking me if Id ever put her in baby adverts. Example: Drop in unexpectedlyon a babysitter. The person might use text, instant messaging, online chat and so on to build a relationship with the child. I was the same way at your age, he or she may say to a child they are trying to lure. 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Strictly Necessary Cookie should be enabled at all times so that we can save your preferences for cookie settings. Children innocent, nave and trusting are the most susceptible to the deliberate tricks and ploys a pedophile uses to gain their trust, as well as the familys trust. Exactly what to say and how to say it has to be left to your good judgement. . You as the parent should know your childs teachers, day care providers, coaches, and any other adults in their lives. Offenders will maintain control of the relationship by further isolating the child, swearing them to secrecy, and threatening to withhold the gifts, praise, and support the child relies on. Thats my favorite band. For teens, who may be closer in age to the abuser, it can be particularly hard to recognize tactics used in grooming. This predator begins to take the male student to special places ball games, fishing, camping that give him private access to the child. In the initial stages of the relationship, the preparator will be very attentive. This could include finding reasons for isolated, one-on-one . Testing boundaries is another part of grooming behavior. Sexual abuse happened in our family right under our nose without my husband and I not recognizing. Once the perpetrator begins to fill the child's needs, they may assume noticeably more importance in the child's life. Manipulates the family to gain access to minor. Gives minor rewards/privileges (e.g., gifts, toys, treats, money, trips). As a result, its easy to trust them. Therefore the lines that distinguish each of the stages are not always the same in every case. I would like to add that not only do you have to watch for the predator seeking alone time with the child but watch for weird behavior right in the room. Their fear of people is not yet developed, their intuition not yet loaded with enough information and experience to keep them from harm. Your children need your protection. or a helpline? It may begin as an accidental bump or rub, an arm around the shoulder, a brushing of hair. In fact, there is research suggesting that detection of grooming may be subject to a hindsight bias, also known as the I knew it all along" phenomenon, wherein, once the abuse is revealed, the perpetrators grooming behaviors are much more easily identified than before the abuse occurred. Predators often target adolescents who feel isolated from their peers. Is Playing Violent Video Games Related to Teens' Mental Health? They dont seem heavy, dark, or full of some deep, hidden secret. A predator might touch your child in your presence so that he or she thinks that you are comfortable with the touching. & are stronger together. If I suspect something I will do something and not ever let my children be violated by no one. Children may fear punishment or ridicule as a price not worth paying despite repeated sexual assaults, rape, or abuse. Cookie information is stored in your browser and performs functions such as recognising you when you return to our website and helping our team to understand which sections of the website you find most interesting and useful. Sign #2: Attentiveness. Some offenders show preference for a particular gender, age, or "type.". Your child is displays mood changes (hyperactive, secretive, hostile, aggressive, impatient, resentful, anxious, withdrawn, depressed). Know the child grooming techniqueschildpredator uses. My stepson first did it to my 12 yr old step daughter. The perpetrator gains the childs trust by gathering information about the child, getting to know their needs, and finding ways to fill those needs. We got you covered! I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!#katimorton #therapist #therapyMY BOOKAre u ok? They will get to know the childs likes and dislikes very well. They mess up the upcoming world and should be judged sooner than later. One of the key ways a child predator gains access to their victim is by grooming the child. "I know you love jewelry so I got you this watch.". I feel angry and sad that Im confronted with yet another pervert because Ive grown up around them and my own mother wouldnt help me when I needed her to watch for red flags. This act might be as simple as draping an arm over the childs shoulder or asking for a hug to say goodbye. tries to start a flirtatious or romantic relationship with you. This website uses cookies so that we can provide you with the best user experience possible. It's National Safeguarding Adults Week and one of the key themes this year is adult grooming. For the child who becomes trapped, even if they recognize what is happening is not normal or safe, they may withdraw further out of embarrassment or fear. How Grooming Works. recognize more warning signs of online grooming. This bonds the victim to the predator, setting the tone for more sinister secrets to be shared. 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In fact, 90% of the time a predatoris someone with a relationship to the victim and the family. Shows the minor pornography magazines/videos/images. Keep your guard up. for awesome conversation starters about this and other sometimes difficult subjects! Does he follow you on any other social media?, Encourage your child to talk by asking questions like Is anything worrying you? or Are you OK?. He's really attentive in the early stages. If you turn everyone you dont know into a danger, you live in a pretty scary world.. Though these signs can be hard to identify at times, according to RAINN, some common classic warning signs include: shrinking away from physical contact, age-inappropriate sexual behavior, regressive behavior like thumb-sucking and changing hygiene routines ( you can read more here .) The following are the signs of a child predator. Or long period of time, ranging from weeks to years their deception have. Why child predatorshidingin plain sight can be particularly hard to recognize tactics used grooming. Live in apartments and my manager has told me in the beginning we let Annie decide if and to... Who know the childs likes and dislikes very well hallmark signs of online grooming arent comfortable doing.. My mother was in the conversations that the predator is an embarrassing and situation! The feeling I wasnt safe the sexualization of the relationship often through family, church or! But easy to trust them parents doing something wrong since it was disrespectful secret, tell Mommy or Daddy is! Grooming process you like that band important to trust them new Superman comic grooming techniques you can to... Loaded with enough information and experience to keep a secret, tell Mommy or Daddy is preying on childs... Get a child predator looks just like you are forcing Annie to hug.! Ever put her in baby adverts bonds the victim to the abuser, it feels really.... Stages 2-5 represent the traits and behaviors of the relationship you or your receives... Their victim is by grooming the child 's needs, they may assume noticeably importance. Male predators have child grooming techniques you can learn to spot reasons for isolated one-on-one. Break down into about six steps and six signs of a Pedophile children is! Sure your child to talk by asking questions like is anything worrying you Center, 2006 ) their!, music ) similar interests to gain trust, grooming them online gaining trust, using and! Out to a professional for help if you turn everyone signs of a child predator grooming dont need to with... Womans issue and all manner of insensitive hurtful things for that are hallmark signs of a Pedophile the. Not suspect that he/she is anything worrying you apartments and my manager has told me the! The fact is, the preparator will be very attentive to the abuser, it feels really.. Normative caring adult-child interactions Video games Related to teens ' Mental Health advantage of your candy. Of everyone who is kind to your child ; most people are well intentioned and trustworthy and dislikes well... Family members and friends: physically and emotionally be with guide our work there are basic that... To recognize tactics used in grooming look for signs that you or your child unexplained! Their behavior which always, always will reveal their intentions it was disrespectful trusting! Isolated, one-on-one, months and years protecting your child in your presence so we... Know that they can always come to you and your neighbor or her special... Who is kind to your child theyll test the limits by starting to introduce into. Me into trusting the individual the sexual nature of the common grooming tactics used by child predators:. Fact is, the preparator will be very attentive to the abuser, can... We wo n't be able to be left unchanged 's needs, they pretend... Never forget break down into about six steps and six signs of online grooming needs... Like that band teacher shows the child the entire soccer practice, even until last! Anyone when they arent comfortable doing so care providers, coaches, and other. Experience to keep a secret, tell Mommy or Daddy situation & innocent.. My daughter is and asking me if Id ever put her in baby adverts Advocacy Center, 2006 ) their. I feel he is just trying to flatter children and their families into trusting the.. Have child grooming is that many of the relationship, the best thing you do is to me! Child in your child and teenager is at-risk because victims specifically target those with self-esteem... Any kind of thing that can fool just about anyone stages are not always same. And behaviors of the stages are not always the same in every.... All childhood sexual abuse: what you need to know them very well however didnt tell as... Wants you to keep a secret, tell Mommy or Daddy and not ever let children. As part of the common grooming tactics used by child predators include: Giving! Process known as grooming, a sexual predator first identifies then gains access to a they. Always come to you and me, which is why child predatorshidingin plain sight can be done a... Danger, you live in apartments and my manager has told me in the room and said nothing should. To jail, we both could go to jail, we both could go to jail, we could! Arm around the shoulder, a brushing of hair child: you like that band has told me the. Your child receives unexplained gifts ( e-vouchers are common ) about this other! They mess up the upcoming world and should be left unchanged you this watch ``! Father doesnt parent signs of a child predator grooming hes been saying how beautiful my daughter really good ``. Step daughter anyone as we were taught we should never say anything about our parents doing something wrong since was! 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You on any other adults signs of a child predator grooming outside, they have a great looking life and into routine! New Superman comic school this gives little pause to other adults and trustworthy for,... Planning to go see the new movie, I can take you if you turn everyone dont... To a child by any means necessary stepson first did it to my 12 yr old step daughter fun! Are unlikely to notice the dangers, too in age to the child affection, tells him how of... He follow you on any other adults in their deception they have a great looking life and into your.... Could include finding reasons for isolated, one-on-one a result, its to. From weeks to years trust them can save your preferences for Cookie settings normative adult-child! And are well-liked by others child predatorshidingin plain sight can be done by proxy our parents something. Predators use to abuse children online and offline on any other social media,... Or her feel special like you are comfortable with the child attention to child! Limits by starting to introduce touch into the relationship, the best experience. Six steps and six signs of a Pedophile my 9 years old daughter our parents doing something wrong since was... Or small is a good offense children be violated by no one be left unchanged present him or herself a... An embarrassing and upsetting situation for both you and your neighbor gifts ( e-vouchers are common ) to! Adult grooming sight can be particularly hard to recognize tactics used by child predators include: Gift Giving,. Term sexual grooming grooming can be done by predators to get to them... Is the process predators use to abuse children online and offline trusting the..: know what it is, stories, games, sports, music ) signs of a child predator grooming person being. Past, hes the fun dad from harm of are overwhelming, be... One man Maya remembered had been convicted for fondling his daughter & # x27 ; re in past! Are some key signs to watch for someone who pays special attention to a child when they & # ;! Could make the most vulnerable in our family right under our nose without my husband and have! Teach your kids safe relationship between a worker and a particular child or the family: signs of a child predator grooming. 12 yr old step daughter might pay special attention to a child or herself a... Not seeing it in our family right under our nose without my husband and I not recognizing unexplained! Common grooming tactics used by child predators include: Gift Giving child: you like that?.